The Rental Races
by Pancake3298
Summary: Requested by Firehound427. Now what have they gotten into? A used rental car lot! What will happen when Lightning, Chick, and Francesco don't use race cars to race? The third and final addition to my crazy one-shots. Want to smile? This is your story. L/S E/F C/M


This was upon request of FireHound, and I couldn't help but agree to write it! x3 Another crack-fic one-shot. Enjoy!

You know which characters are by Pixar... (c)

Emi by ME

Maria by MERE. ;D

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**The Rental Races**

"But... Why?!" Sally Carrera asks Lightning McQueen.

"Look honey, we're paying the owner twice the usual money, so calm down, and everything's going to go smoothly." Lightning said with his eyes half closed.

"Still makes no sense. How old are you, again?" She responded with crossed arms.

"Ok, here we are! The rental lot!"

By now, Sally's face was like: O-O

Lightning parked Sally's pristine baby blue Porsche and hopped out with Sally.

"Hey! Lightning McQueen! Buon giorno!" Said Francesco as he approached them with his girlfriend, Emily Turbo.

"That's getting _really_ old." Lightning snapped.

"Lightning! What kind of a greeting was that?!" Sally reprimanded him.

"Sorry, hey, Emily, Francesco."

"Ciao." The Italians said in unison. Everyone laughed.

"Soo, where's Chick?" Asked a puzzled Sally.

"Thought he was with you..."

"HEY!" Said a familiar gruff voice. Lightning turned that way and saw Chick Hicks, running straight towards him at an alarming speed. As Chick got closer to Lightning, he didn't slow down, he only ran faster.

"Woah!" Lightning said in alarm, and before he could react, Chick bounded off the floor, headed straight for his face. Lightning gasped at his fate. Then, Chick plopped down mid-jump and started laughing.

"What's your problem?!" exclaimed a red-faced, angry Lightning.

"Someone's in a fussy mood!" Chick shrieked.

"He greeted-a me like that too!" Francesco stated.

"Don't lie, I did not greet you with a, 'What's your problem?!'" Lightning corrected him as Emily lets out a small giggle.

"You know what I mean." Francesco said with his arms crossed, staring him down.

Maria approached the scene. "Chick, you know it was very childish of you to dash out the car, screaming at your friends."

"VERY childish." Sally told them.

"Well, isn't that the point of today, boys?" Lightning grinned evilly.

"Yeah! Let's race!" Chick agreed.

...

"OK! So, everyone, this is Joe. Say hello to Joe." Announced Lightning in front of his friends. He pulled forward a fat, hairy man who looked at everyone with a bored expression. From his facial expression, he was either half asleep, drunk, or both.

"Hello Joe." Maria and Sally murmured.

"Joe owns the rental lot! And he agreed with our crazy plan to pay him for us to get a couple of his cars, and 'dash off' in them." Lightning winked to the crowd.

"Yeah, and of you wreck it, you're paying for it!" Joe told them in a slurry voice and a chuckle.

"Ok, thanks Joe, you can go back to your office now." Lightning pushed Joe off the stage as Francesco and Chick started hooting. Joe stumbled off the stage, heading for his office, but tripped face first into the asphalt. He laid there like a slug.

"Okkkaaaayyyy! So, here are the rules for today's race: Francesco, Chick, and myself will be participating. Maria and Emily will be at the finish line, while Sally will start us. Then, Sal, you can walk over to the finish while we get our cars."

"Gee, thanks, make me walk." Sally said without amusement.

"So, we start at the gate of this run-down rental lot, maneuver our way through the lot to find the car we want, to the finish line! Oh yeah, and Joe said the keys are in the ignition of every car, then race that car, van, truck, rv, motorcycle, boat, etc. The finish line is located on Hickey Blvd. As you turn right out of the lot, it's half a mile as you go down the road."

"Hickey?! Ha ha HAA!" Chick bursts out laughing, slapping his thighs.

"Keys in-a the boats? Really?" Francesco said as he looked up at the sky.

"SHUT UP! Alright, everyone got this?!" Lightning asked one last time.

"Sí!"

"Yeah."

"Ok, so Emily and Maria, make your way to the finish, waving this flag so we know. And um, it is a public road so there will be traffic..."

"Nice." Said Emily flatly as she snatched the flag from his hand and started walking in the direction he pointed.

"Ok, so we're ready to race! Let's take our marks! Sally?" Lightning handed the microphone over to his love.

"Ok, on the line!"

The three men bend over to the start.

"Umm, o-on your mark, get set..." Sally gulped, "go!"

They dashed into the lot, neck and neck, each searched for an appropriate car to race, but most of them were lemons. Chick stuck out his foot and tripped Lightning, while Francesco went off in another direction.

"Why you dirty..." Lightning muttered as he got back up.

Chick giggled as he tip-toed around the corner, and he shook his butt towards Lightning. Lightning cringed.

Chick ran down the aisle of junk cars, and finally spotted a Buick resembling his old race car. Perfect. Chick opened the creaking door, and sat in the driver's seat. There was no key.

"Huh, well that's weird... The owner said-" Chick stopped to listen quietly to a rustling noise in the background. He turned his head slowly, and looked all over the backseat. Nothing.

"What the-" Chick spotted something move under the seat.

Out of nowhere, a squirrel jumped from under the seat and straight to his face. "GET IT OFF!" Chick cried as the squirrel scratched him all over. The squirrel crawled down to his arm and bit him ravenously, white foam oozing from its mouth. Chick screamed again and climbed out of the car, stumbling for a moment. The squirrel ran to the other side of the lot.

The wound didn't look too bad, so he dusted himself off and continued to search for some other car.

Lightning was running through the SUV section towards the sedans. Surely he would find a decent car with speed there... He saw Francesco looking there, too, so he darted even quicker, his eyes were scanning each car. Francesco spotted an older Mustang from the 90s, and made a b-line towards the car. Lightning groaned, but turned to find an aged Dodge Viper in the opposite aisle, also from the 90s.

He got in hastily, started the engine, and reversed back without thinking, when the car jerked from behind and a loud bang was heard. Lightning turned back, and saw that he collided with Francesco. Francesco got out of the car, shouting a string of Italian words that didn't sound too friendly.

"Can't-a believe... You. Weren't-a watching. Stupid! The only two-a sports cars in-a the lot!" Francesco hissed, "Dobbiamo pagare!" We have to pay!

"God I hate you!" Lightning declared before running to find something more suitable.

"Motorcycles! Those are fast!" Chick climbed into the only motorcycle in the lot. The key was in the ignition, and he started the engine, listening to the loud purr. On the small windshield was a note.

"What's this?" He asked himself as he read it.

_If you are going to use this motorcycle, you must run to the office to get the helmet. No exceptions. Or else you will be disqualified._

Chick facepalmed and got up to head to the office.

Meanwhile, Maria, Emily, and Sally had made it to the "finish line".

"I just don't get what they're going after... Acting like children." Sally told them.

"Are they trying to attract us?" Maria asked.

"Not attracting me in any way." Emily stated.

"No, I don't think it's that." Sally said as she shook her head.

"What then?" Asked a puzzled Maria.

"Must be some testosterone problem." Emily inquired with a chuckle.

"Or mid life crisis." Sally said as they all laughed.

"But we still let them get us sucked into their dirty little wicked games..."

"ALL the time."

The girls rolled their eyes, looking out at the road's horizon.

...

Francesco turned the key to the giant Recreational Vehicle, he wanted to get out on that road with a head start, it didn't really matter the speed of the car. He made sure no Lightnings were reversing, then he exited out the lot.

_Fast enough._ Lightning thought as he jogged to the mini van. Time was running out after all. He got in the driver's seat and saw a huge RV pulling out. What kind of idiot would bring that for racing...? He starts the van and the engine screams loudly, hissing at him. Lightning sighed and swerved out of the lot. He followed the speeding RV and noticed that it was Francesco who was trying to maneuver the metal giant. Lightning chuckled at his expression, probably the first time he's ever drove a vehicle that seats more than 8 people. Lightning stepped on the gas and zoomed away towards a motorcycle with a familiar figure on it... Chick Hicks! How was that POSSIBLE?! He can't drive a motorcycle!

But he is...

Lightning beeped the horn, which sounded more like a squeaking dog toy, and waved to Chick. Chick zoomed forward, trying to avoid the hideous green van. Francesco had caught up to them, and the finish line is in sight.

All three put the pedal to the metal, swerving to avoid other cars on a leisurely drive. From the finish line, Sally saw three speeding objects of random sorts, and assumed it was them.

"Um, you're not going to believe this, but get the flag...!" Sally exclaimed.

Maria darted back to get the flag, and the three racers sped down the straight road at top speed, all neck in neck. Chick, being the most aerodynamic, revved ahead of the two WGP champions and took first place. Next came Lightning, then Francesco.

"What the hell, Lightning! How could you let CHICK beat you!" Sally yelled as the racers got out of their cars. Maria gave Sally a look, then she ran over to Chick to give him a hug and kiss. Francesco was pissed and started rambling in Italian, and Emily joined him. After the racers seemed to calm down a bit, Chick asks, "So, what do I win?"

"A slap on-a the face!" Francesco blurted. Lightning chuckled.

The six of them stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"Well, this sucked. I'm going home." Lightning declared.

Suddenly, Chick groaned loudly and started quivering.

"What's happening?" Emily asked.

"Oh. This happens every time. Something terrible happens to Chick. It's all part of the plan."

"What plan?!" Francesco asked, panicking.

"Oh, you know, this story we're in."

"What story?!"

"Will you stop that, Meatball?!" Lightning told Francesco.

"That's-a racist."

"You're racist."

"Oh c'mon, SHUT UP!" Emily shouted.

Chick groaned again.

"Chick?" Maria asked.

Foam appeared at Chicks mouth and he fell to the floor.

"Oh my god, Chick?! What's going on?!"

Chick somehow managed to speak. "I- I got bit... by a squirrel..."

"A squirrel?! Where?"

'In... An old car..."

"He's got RABIES!" Emily exclaimed.

"Didn't you get a rabies shot?!" said Lightning.

Chick growled at him and almost pounced, but Maria held him back.

"Run for your lives!" Francesco said in a very Italian way, and dashed for his Ferrari, completely ditching everyone else.

Lightning picked up Sally and went to the car, but instead of climbing into the passenger seat, Sally went to the trunk and started searching for something.

"Sally, what are you doing?! We have to get out of here...!" Lightning yelled.

"Hold on! Ah! Here it is!" She got out a professional looking injection.

"The antidote!" said Maria.

Sally quickly injected the needle in Chick's leg, and he stopped spazzing immediately. Then he passed out, foam all over his face.

"Um, Sally, what did you give him?" Asked a puzzled Maria.

"A form of a tranquilizer."

Maria sighed and picked up her limp boyfriend and pushed him into their car. "Well, thanks I guess, time to get him to a hospital."

"More like, time to get this story to the hospital!" Lightning shouted.

Maria and Sally rolled their eyes again, still having no idea what the Piston Cup Racer was saying. As usual.

This time around, there were no reasons, no winner, no prize, it was just a get together that they decided to create at the last minute. None of them liked to admit it, but even through the insults and rage, the three racers, or should I say the 'Three Stooges', could actually be friends. Friendly rivals who just wanted to race and have fun.

_**The End**_

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Well, to keep things fresh, I don't think I'll be doing any more craze fics like this... Definitely for a while, if I was to ever do them again. But I'm trying not to overdo it, because I feel they're losing their magic, one could say...? So I have no one-shots coming up anytime soon, but look out for a new story of mine, with a completely new idea! :o Oh yes and new chap of Repercussions will also be up soon, now that this is finished. :)

(; Review? (Means a lot)


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